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Questions are always easy to ask. It is the answering of them that is difficult. Well okay that isn't true for a lot of questions one can ask. But many that spring up are impossible to answer - maybe simply because we cannot comprehend it.
Everyday I look back and ask myself why I made the choices I did. Some are relatively easy - because it was the right thing to do, because it was to help someone else. But there are also other choices that aren't so easy to associate a reason with. Those are the ones that haunt me the most. And they still do to this day. I have carried many choices out through my life - some I regret and some I do not. I am sure many have felt this way. Looking back on it now I realize how I really feel. So I really have been lying to myself. (laughs) I can't believe it took me a whole year to realize it. And it only took you a split second. So I am wondering if it was my fault or was it because you were completely leading me on and I was too blinded to see it. Either way I have accepted the consequences. I guess that is two years of my life I will never get back.
Life doesn't make it easy for individuals to make tough decisions. But I guess that is the reason why the saying is "Nobody's perfect". Making mistakes is hard and it can be painful. But the real experience comes from when you finally admit that it is no longer a burden upon your shoulders and that there is nothing you can do to fix it/ take it back. I guess that is how I feel now.
Acknowledgement of that fact took me so long but if there was any other way I wouldn't have done it any different. Being where I was...it allowed me to learn how to protect myself better, to not get led on by illusions. So thank you for helping me to fi ally see what I couldn't for a while. Maybe that's the only good memory that I'll hold of you for now - I've destroyed the rest. Whether you know of it - or not.